Beginning Again

Life took me in a different direction for a while but now I'm back. Here's an update.

I can’t believe my last post here was in February.

I had stopped logging into my Substack because I was sad that I had let it fall to the wayside. When I finally forced myself to take a peek this week, my heart sank to realized I’d been gone nine months. Cripes, I could have gestated a whole baby and given birth in that time.

I didn’t, in case you are wondering.

Instead I did kind of the opposite. I let two kids go. But then I guess that kind of is the same as giving birth in some ways. All of parenting is letting go, if you want to know the truth. It’s letting go of previous stages and needs. It’s letting go of control and being in charge. It’s letting go of outcomes and expectations. It’s letting go of rhythms and patterns. It’s letting go of being needed and being on-call 24/7. It’s letting go of little pieces of yourself and stepping through the accompanying grief over each loss.

After a whirlwind end to his senior year, we moved our middle son to Chicago to attend DePaul University and study film and TV production. And as I had hoped, he has taken to the city, to college, and to his program like a duck to water. My heart almost explodes with pride at how well he is doing and knowing that he is in the exact right place, at the exact right college, studying the thing that lights up his whole life among a whole cohort of other creative, smart and fun students.

Meanwhile, we made a mid-summer decision to give our oldest son a big opportunity to step into adulthood by purchasing a rental home on the East side of Des Moines. He and his best friend moved in and became our tenants in August and it has been such a rewarding experience watching him grow and mature in his own space. He has a great job in IT that he really likes, he’s in the process of building a model train layout in the basement, when he’s not helping my husband with updates and repairs around the house and he’s getting a crash course in things like money and time management, taxes, paying rent and bills, and home care responsibilities. This move was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made even if we do miss him and his gaggle of friends raiding our refrigerator.

Our youngest is now in 10th grade (aka real high school in Ankeny) and is excelling in volleyball, choir and academics. She got to experience her first homecoming dance and her first fender-bender in the same week. It’s strange having such a quiet home and only one kiddo rattling around but we are starting to find our groove as a family of three.

July marked one year of Mom being on hospice. We have been so happy with her care and we are so grateful she has remained mostly pain-free and content. Because her condition stabilized and her needs are minimal, last month she “graduated” from hospice to regular nursing care. I wish I could say that this means that she is “getting better” — it doesn’t. It just means that she is stable… for now.

As September rolled around, I was excited to transition into doing more writing. I had even able to slip away for a weekend to Iowa City for a writing workshop in August in preparation, but the change in the weather and all the change in my life hit me like a ton of bricks and I went down hard with not one, but two rounds of upper respiratory illness (COVID? Influenza? Never tested positive for either!) and ended up with a terrible case of bronchitis.

I was blessed with about 12 days illness-free days in September and thankfully they lined up with the Blue Danube Bike and Boat Trip we had booked to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary. Kory and I had a wonderful time exploring Austria, Slovakia and Germany, ending in Munich for Oktoberfest where we had the time of our lives.

Last week I celebrated the completion of my 47th trip around the sun with some good, scary fun with dear friends, visiting a Halloween pop-up bar and a haunted corn maze. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much!

So here I arrive to the middle of October, recovered from a broken heart and bronchitis, ready to begin again. As you may have noticed, I have refreshed my Substack, giving it a color makeover and a new name. Watch for a post coming Monday that will fill you in on everything I have planned for this space. I think you will love the new direction.

Let’s take a deep breath… and begin again.